Are marriages made in heaven? Others believe so, but they could just as well have been made in hell when poorly wielded. In marriage, there are no crosscuts to happiness. It is very rare or none at all for two people to enter into an intimate relationship without friction from time to time. It is likened to a pair of scissors joined together but, most often move in different directions. Nonetheless, trouble befalls anyone who gets between them.
An everlasting marriage is one where the wife will not see the husband’s weaknesses and the husband will not hear her nagging. Well, in this case Montaigne is right when he jokes about marriage that “a good marriage is between a blind wife and a deaf husband.”
Finding the right partner is not enough to succeed in marriage. It should be based on compatibility. A partner must not always get things his or her way. Although heavily and roughly the trodden path it maybe, both parties are obliged to walk a common or parallel route.
Love, mutual respect and understanding, and concern for each other are important in any relationship. Sacrifices will have to be made for the sake of both partners. The partnership must come first before they think of themselves individually. Love in marriage is not just asking without any sacrifice. It is a give and take relationship. To overcome jealousy and suspicion, tolerance and understanding are also necessary to establish contentment and security in marriage.
Marriage is a blessing and the secret formula is understanding and correct but timely communication. It does not necessarily mean to exist with eyes closed, to see faults but blindfold to virtues. Accept the fact that no perfect person exists. The golden rule for a happy marriage is to avoid minor misunderstanding blown out of proportion. Avoid becoming angry at the same time. Human beings are by nature emotional that lead to tantrums and anger. Patience is required.
A wife is neither a servant nor a puppet at his disposal. Husbands should treat their wives with respect and consideration. It is also the duty of a husband to help in the household work whenever he finds time. Trivial matters should not be grumbled with. Mutual trust and respect must be given paramount importance to achieve a happy union.
Women consider anniversaries and birthdays very important. To keep the home fires burning, husbands must not neglect these important occasions. Show your love that you are always thinking of your wife through little acts of attention, that you always want to please her and her happiness is important to you. Courtship never stops in marriage. Inexpensive gifts will suffice, be it a simple duster, linen or a set of pillow cases and bedsheets, or a red rose or a chocolate bar; she will always appreciate and cherish it. It is not the gift but the attention that matters.
Sex has its due place in marriage; it is neither a servant nor a master. It is an important element in marriage but not paramount. One can have a good sex life and still unhappy. Real love is a spiritual communion, not just physical. It is a meeting of the minds, with mutual consent and responsibilities or commitments like ordinary contracts. Dr. Helen Kaplan of Cornell Medical Center says that without intimacy, there can be no real love. Intimacy is sharing of feelings, not information. Couples must make it a point to let each other know whether, they are happy, sad, frightened or any other intimate feelings. Be interested to know how their partner really feels. In marriage, exist not like a dead body living with another dead body.
Marriage and marital problems are interrelated. Getting married is facing certain problems and responsibilities. Lack of communication or interaction with members of the family is one factor that can be attributed to unhappy marriage. A stage will be reached when husband and wife do not even communicate with each other. When he returns from work, he will be engrossed with his hobbies and weekends are spent for golf or with other pastimes with his friends. He fails to observe important anniversaries or birthdays and does not express any feelings of concern for his wife anymore.
The wife on the other hand, after giving birth is no longer interested in her figure and appearance, sometimes dresses shabbily. The husband finds that he can no longer engage in a stimulating conversation with her. Life becomes boring that leads the husband to seek solace outside the matrimonial home. For most men, marriage is a goal which they set to achieve. Having done so, they will pour their energies and time to their career or business. The expectation of a woman is totally different. After being married, she expects more love and intimacy and seeks to spend more time with her husband.
Some people say that the first year after their marriage, the husband would listen to his wife. From the second year, the wife would listen to her husband. From the third year onwards, the neighbors would listen to both of them when they shout at each other.
Dissatisfaction arises. A husband now tends to see the greener pasture on the other side of the fence. He now starts to be attracted to other members of the opposite sex. Even for women, this restlessness can occur during the marriage. Boredom and disappointment with the partner is a common complaint.
For long-married couples, “happily ever after’ did not just happen. It has to be worked to keep the romance alive and enjoy the differences and learned from them. Even when things were really bad, do not quit. It is not easy to work things out. It must be earned through hard work. The road to marital longevity is full of bumps, economic crisis, stressful career, pressure of raring children, etc. Couples must refrain from trying to remake their partners. Maintain respect despite considerable differences in personality and heavy emotional load.
Willingness to work on the marriage is a must to a successful marriage. Love needs to be fed, nurtured with shared experiences, joys, sorrows and requires attention courage and understanding. There is no turning back, no quitting.
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